


Alone, but together

by Winmance



Series: Tumblr Prompt [25]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, But innocently, Childhood, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sam Winchester Asks Questions, Tears, Young Dean Winchester, Young Sam Winchester, pre-serie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 14:06:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15535920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winmance/pseuds/Winmance
Summary: A lot of people consider mothers  God like entities.  Capable of knowing everything about their children with one look.  They know when you’re lying, when you’re sad, when you’re angry. It’s like the connection that was formed in the womb never ends, two people being the continuation of each other, one soul in two bodies.Dean never thought it was real, until he realized he could tell the exact moment Sam would wake up from his nap, before his brother even opened his eyes.





	Alone, but together

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt : Sam is at that age where he starts asking questions, Why don’t we have a Mom? Where is Dad? etc. etc. This progresses into a long and deep conversation with Dean. Sobbing, Tears, Angst and first time sloppy kisses. Hands everywhere. Dean just wants his Sammy to be happy.
> 
> Beta by @debivc78

A lot of people consider mothers  God like entities.  Capable of knowing everything about their children with one look.  They know when you’re lying, when you’re sad, when you’re angry. It’s like the connection that was formed in the womb never ends, two people being the continuation of each other, one soul in two bodies.

Dean never thought it was real, until he realized he could tell the exact moment Sam would wake up from his nap, before his brother even opened his eyes.

He could tell when Sam was hungry with one look, could tell if he needed to use the bathroom or if he just didn’t like what they were eating.

John couldn’t. When Sam started crying during the night, he tried to feed him, to change his diaper, when all Sam wanted was to take his pajamas off. Dean knew that, because somehow, the bond that Sam should have had with their mom was transferred to Dean.

That’s how he knew immediately that something was off with Sam when he got him from school.

‘Hey buddy” He says, taking Sam’s backpack in his hand. “How was your day?”

Sam shrugs his shoulders, holding Dean’s hand tighter. Dean frowns but doesn’t push things further, knowing that it will only make Sam more upset. So, he chooses the other option, which is making Sam's favorite food while watching his favorite movie, and even letting him wear Dean’s too big shirt as  pajamas.

Any other time, it would have been enough, but not today.

Sam doesn’t even touch his food, only playing with it on his plate, and when Dean puts the movie on, he asks to go to sleep instead.

“Sammy, what’s wrong?” Dean asks, worry over taking him. What if Sam is in pain? What if someone did something to him? He doesn’t look sick, doesn’t look scared either, just upset, and it’s worrying Dean even more.

“Nothing” Sam repeats, playing with his shirt nervously

“You’re lying”

“I’m not!” He yells, pushing Dean away.

Dean tries to hide how hurt he is as best as he can. Sure, sometimes they would fight and yell at each other, but something else is going on here, Sam would never push him like that.

“’M sorry De” Sam says, his eyes wide open as if he only now realizes what he just did

“Are you mad at me?” Dean asks, his throat so tight that it’s hard to talk

“No, I promise!” Sam hastens to say, throwing himself on Dean’s lap and wrapping his arms around him.

This is where their relationship is different from a mother/child. Sam wants to protect Dean as much as Dean wants to protect him. They both look out for the other, and they can’t stand seeing the other hurt, left alone being the one to hurt him.

Dean smiles and hugs Sam tighter, enjoying the smell of his clean hair and the way it tickles him when it falls in his face.

“Was someone mean to you?”

“No”

“Did you do something bad?”

“No”

“Sam” He sighs again “You need to tell me, or I won’t be able to help you”

Sam remains silent for a moment, hiding his face in Dean’s neck, and when Dean thinks he won’t talk again, he finally does.

“Do I have a mom?”

It’s like being punched in the stomach. He knew this day was coming. The day, Sam would start asking questions.  But he didn’t realize that that day was today. Sam is six now, and he’s far from stupid, of course he has questions to ask. Doesn’t mean that it’s easy for Dean, though.

“You… You did. You still do, I guess. But mom… You remember when your teacher had that bunny, and then the bunny died?”

“Mr. Speedy is dead?” Sam asks, pulling himself away from Dean’s neck until they were facing each other. “Miss Elise said that he got married and had to leave with his wife”

Right. This was a terrible example. Dean bites his lip, not really sure of what he’s supposed to say now. Sam is a child, an innocent little child, how can he crash all his dreams and beliefs?

“No, Sammy, he… He died. And mom, she died too” Dean says, tears choking his voice. He rubs Sam’s hair.

“My friends have their moms, why don’t we? It’s not fair!”

“No, it’s not” Dean admits “It’s not fair, but Sammy, it happens, alright? Sometimes… Sometimes people die. It’s not because they were bad, or because they were old, it’s just… It’s how life is. But it’s alright, you know why?”

Sam shakes his head, and Dean takes the opportunity to wipe his own tears away.

“Because I think, I know even, that mom is happy where she is. She’s… She’s not here, but she’s somewhere, where we can’t see her, but she can see us. And she’s happy because her baby is becoming a strong, beautiful boy. You know that, Sammy, right? How proud I am of you? How proud mom would be?”

“I don’t know Dean, I’m not that special…”

“Not that special?” Dean laughs, “You’re the most amazing person I know. You’re smart, you’re kind, and your…your heart is so big, Sammy”

Sam smiles shyly, tears running down his face too. It’s unfair, Dean thinks, how Sam can’t even remember their mom. How he will never know how it was to be hugged by her. How she smelled. How much she loved them, because she did, so much. It’s unfair because Dean is lying. Their mom isn’t watching them, she isn’t in heaven. She’s nowhere, because when you die you simply disappear, forever, and all that’s left is blurring memories and empty hearts.

“Mom loved you, more than anything else in the world” He promises

“Does dad love me, too?” It’s no louder than a whisper, and Dean almost doesn’t hear it

“Of course, he does”

“Why isn’t he here, then? He’s never… He’s never here” There are more tears on Sam’s face, but Dean can see how angry his brother is now. How betrayed, lonely, and unwanted he must feel. The same way Dean does.

“Because dad… He saves lives. He helps families, so they won’t know what it's like to lose someone that you love”

“But we need him!” Sam yells, his voice shaking “We need him! I- I want dad to be here with me. Why can’t he be here? Why can’t he stay with us?”

“I don’t know Sam, I don’t know” Dean admits, even if it’s painful.

He can remember how they used to spend the night all together. Mom in dad's arms, Dean playing at their feet while Sam was sleeping in front of them. There were pictures of them everywhere, smiles on their faces.  And he wishes . . .he wishes he could go back and tell his dad not to give up on them. Mom is gone but they’re here. They’re here and they’re alive, and they need their dad because the motel room is cold, and Dean is scared and all he wants is his dad. Please just come home.

He holds Sam closer to him, both of them crying on the couch, alone in the too big room.

“Do you love me?” Sam asks against Dean’s neck

“Do I love you?” Dean repeats “Sammy, there’s no one in this world who will ever love you as much as I do. You’re my whole world kiddo”

Sam smiles between the tears before dropping a kiss on Dean’s skin. It’s way too wet, but Dean doesn’t care, and he starts kissing Sam’s hair before moving to his face. He’s kissing him over and over again, on his forehead, on his cheeks, on his cute little nose, trying to show his brother how much he loves him, how much he needs them. They may not have parents, but they have each other, and that’s all they need. Dad couldn’t love Sam as much as Dean does even if he tried anyway.

Sam starts kissing his lips, and Dean knows he shouldn’t, but he doesn’t push him away. You kiss someone on the lips when you love them more than anyone. That’s how he feels about Sam, and they both need extra comfort right now, and he won’t deny him that.

“I love you” He says, kissing Sammy’s lips again “I love you, and I’m here. I’m always here, you hear me?”

“I love you too” Sam says, “Always”

Dean smiles before dragging Sam against his chest, rubbing his back slowly until the crying stops. There’s a lot of things Sam wants to know, a lot of things he doesn’t understand, but Dean knows that Sam won’t never have to ask where Dean is, because wherever Sam will go, Dean will follow him, even if he has to die for it.


End file.
